Our little girl, Chloe Fionna Layne was born Friday, November 7th at 10:29 am...She weighed 6 lbs and .08 oz was 19 1/4 inches long, has gobbs of hair and is the PRETTIEST baby on the planet! It's totally strange having a baby, it's highly stressful because all of a sudden someone's life REALLY does depend on you...that's pretty scary when you think about it. They send you home from the hospital pretty clueless, exhausted and for me, totally scared! The first night was pretty rough, she was awake or cried all night, NO sleep for us! Then began a series of not so fun ishes...
In the hospital, I had a really hard time with breastfeeding and boy did i try...she was content to just chew on me, would not latch on, nothing, I had a lactation consultant or nursery person at my side at EVERY feeding and it just didn't work...I was still intending on trying when i left the hospital but had been instructed to just pump for the first week, give my nipples time to heal and then try again...pumping is very not fun and very time consuming when you do it in conjunction with feeding times. The day after we came home we went to our pediatrician who is amazing...and learned i was engorged and maybe had d
eveloped mastitis, they sent me immediately to the lactation consultant BACK at the hospital for assistance...she was able to help a little but 
said if I developed a fever of 101 to call my doctor, by that evening my fever was 101...the next day i was back in the dr office for some antibiotics...we were back at the pediatrician a day later and the mastitis was not improving and had spread...by this time I had learned from my consultant that I was going to have to pump regardless and chloe would not be able to breastfeed...I decided being attached to a pump was not for me and since there were already risks due to my seizure medication (i was going to have to watch her closely) maybe this just wasn't for me and my girl...so then, i decided to wean. After a 2 day dr free break (we were at teh hospital or dr office EVERYday up until then after being out) I began having a LOT of bleeding...Sunday I ended up in the ER trying to figure it out...they sent me home after a good 5 hours and told me to come to my dr office the next day (today), so i did. Basically, they labeled it, abnormal excessive bleeding...translation, they don't know the heck what the problem is...they said most c-sections don't have the same type of vaginal bleeding as vaginal delivery, and most bleeding of this amount occurs earlier...lucky me, I get to do things different than most people and be freaked out...:)Anyway
, things are looking up...10 days with multiple hosptial/dr visits are done and I feel like things are on an upward swing. Chloe is an adorable baby, we've had fun at bath time, feeding time, snuggle time and tonight I read her her first two books...Humpty Dumpty and the Little Mermaid. It's funny, every time I sing to her I start to cry. I'm not sure why, i think it is maybe because the songs I sing are about God and his amazingness, his authority and his glory and it brings me to a place where I have to acknowledge that my little girl is not MY little girl, she belongs to God. That means He can do with her as He sees fit. That's pretty scary too. I must say though, she is in no better hands, no matter how He chooses to use her. I pray it brings glory to His name...and that IS totally one of the hardest phrases to say and truly mean, so I usually have to repeat it and be brought to this place of brokeness every night. I guess one day it will get easier, maybe not.
Comments
Totally feel with you. I had one mastitis after another with Yael as well and spent time in the hospital getting antibiotics intravenously. Well, after all that my milk was pretty much gone and I had to wean her at two months. That was hard but it worked out OK. She's healthy and happy! I agree that the first ones are the hardest. I can nurse Levyn without any problems at all.
Don't get discouraged! It's all just a phase and WILL get better!
Love, Thirza