No.

"Free hugs" beckons the question, "What do you want?"

Telling my super adorable children "no" is sometimes really really easy. "Can I have a sucker?" It's 6:30 am, no one has had breakfast, "no" rolls off the tongue pretty easily, usually from my bed. "Mommy, will you play a game with me?" This usually happens while I'm in the middle of cooking. Trust me, I'd much rather play a game than pay attention to what I'm cooking, but the idea of burning food and a visit from our local fire department usually results in a "no." The process of adoption has a lot of "no's." It doesn't matter if you are giving or receiving them, it's not easy.

We are waiting. What's so hard about waiting? First, everyday feels like a "no." "No, it's not happening today." Second, I'm not really a patient person. Shocking, I know, the red hair screams "patience." Third, sometimes we see waiting children that we are drawn to, sometimes we get called about a child who has been declined by a family or a waiting child who is in another program. Then, we think something might happen and we might have found our child. In the fall we considered a couple of girls but they were teenagers. We prayed, researched, talked with other families that had adopted teens. Our agency will not approve adoption out of birth order. It was really hard to hear that "no," let's just say that's the super short version.

Most recently, we were called by our agency about a little boy who was declined by another family. We were given 24 hours to decide if we wanted to proceed with the child. First, this is not typically how this works. This was an exception, an effort to save the child time in the system by finding a family. He was outside our parameters but not dramatically. We labored for 24 hours trying to make a decision, doing research about his medical conditions, set up an appointment with an international adoption pediatrician, but still everything felt wrong. After much prayer, sick stomachs and a good bit of crying God said "wait." Very rarely have I felt like I heard Him so clearly. Sadly, I still second-guessed myself. An adoptive mom friend had been praying for us. I texted her to tell her we were gonna wait. She said, after a lot of prayer she also had felt it wasn't the right thing. Thank God He has given us praying friends who understand adoption. She just happened to be in the right place at the right time to hear some news we probably would have never shared with people. Calling our agency back to tell them "no" that afternoon was so hard.

We've also received calls about other children from other programs. Those are a little easier to say "no" to since that requires us to completely start over. I'm sure if that's God's plan for us at some point He will make that clear, but it would surprise me.

I'm so ready for a "yes." I can't wait for Bulgaria to say "yes" to us. I can't wait for us to say "yes" to a child. I'm thankful that when it comes to God and His adoption of us, He says "yes."  Jesus said "yes" when He could have said "no" and chose to make a way for us to be adopted sons and daughters through the cross. I'm so thankful we said "yes" to international adoption. If you can't tell from some of my posts and even this post, sometimes the proverbial glass feels half empty, but feelings lie to us and the truth is from every possible outlook my glass is full. Full of grace, opportunity, love and generosity that has been extended to me by my Father.

Disclaimer - Contrary to my snotty mom comment on the cute picture above I have to admit, my girls chose to wear their "free hugs" shirts to take food to a friend who just adopted a child from Taiwan. They wanted the child to feel loved. They knew the child didn't speak English and couldn't read, but I guess the cute kitty on the front says it all! :)