I stress about offending people, I worry about misinterpretations of what I say, and I hate to think someone has the wrong impression of me. I will go overboard to fix problems, issues or misperceptions. This is an area God is totally growing me in through the adoption process. I'm learning to worry less and speak up more, but I'm still really bad at it.
For example, fundraising can be a little touchy. This is NOT a skill I've mastered. I don't quite know how to avoid having people in your life feel like you are attempting to suck them dry when you are in the fundraising process, regardless of what I tell them. I'm an all-inclusive type person. I tend to invite the world to any fundraiser, event, etc. Not because I expect every single person in our life (and their friends, mom, dad, dog and neighbor) to support us financially, but because I like a good party. I'm social and I don't like people to feel left out. Yes, I am THAT person, I want to be invited even when the person knows I can't come. I have no idea why... It probably stems from insecurity or some equally negative or quirky (quirky sounds way better) quality about myself. But, knowing how I feel means I typically treat other people that way too.
So, that is a risk I usually take. I invite and ask. This is my encouragement to anyone fundraising. Be OK with asking. At the same time, be OK hearing "no" or "not at this time" or whatever you have probably told the cashier at the grocery store at least once when they ask you if you want to donate to whatever charity they are raising money for at the time. It's truly OK! God uses different people at different times, in different ways. Sometimes a hole has to be left for someone to be willing to step in and fill it. The catch is that people receive these needs you put out there through the lenses of their own life situation. Make sure your friends know it's not their job to fill that gap every time. Be prepared to offend someone or at the very least make someone uncomfortable--not because you're trying to do it. It's just inevitable. Money is a touchy subject. People get uncomfortable when you discuss it.
Did you know cheerleading can offend people? They hear you cheering for someone who's adopting but what they notice is you aren't cheering for them. Or even worse, how about when people think you are cheering for yourself? I was a cheerleader. (I'm sure everyone is shocked!) I STILL am a cheerleader, but what I cheer for has just changed. To this day I jump up and down and clap, I know--it's kind of sad, but I own it. Way before we began the process of adopting I said many times to friends, "Since we aren't adopting yet and you are I'm gonna be your number one cheerleader and live vicariously through you!" And, I did. Now, we are finally where I've wanted to be for so long--in the process of adopting. But, I'm still gonna cheer. I'm gonna cheer people on to adopt, get excited for those who are getting started, finishing up, thinking about it, whatever. Here's my problem. While I'm cheering for all these things I start worrying, "Am I offending someone?" I worry if they think I'm just patting myself on the back for being super awesome. Or when I make a true statement like, "Adoption is the gospel lived out," do people assume I am saying I am more spiritual or godly than they are?
This happened to me Tuesday at a ladies bible study. But, let me clarify, it all happened IN MY HEAD, no one said a word. Before we break into our groups, either I or another leader usually share a quick devotion. It was World Adoption Day. I was pumped and ready, Sharpie in hand, smiley face on palm. I know this stuff. I can talk about it easy, even if I was blindfolded and upside down with twenty tiny children screaming all different things at me and crying, I was good. I had my Bible verse and was ready to talk. I got up there, read the verse and start talking. Then it happened... Worry set in. "Do these ladies think I'm just patting myself on the back because I am adopting? Do they think I think they should be doing something they aren't doing because I'm talking about adoption being God's plan to save us? Maybe I should just stop talking." Mid-prayer I paused, and it was not because I was reflecting on God's awesomeness. I was worrying about how those ladies (who love me, I might add) would just be thinking I was praying for myself and trying to make them feel guilty.
Emily, stop talking.
So, that's what I did. I awkwardly stopped and sent them to their groups after a fairly incoherent five minute blip that was supposed to be about adoption, but really I just said the word "adoption" a few times and threw some other words around it. I let fear keep me from saying truth and I let fear affect my communication about something I'm so desperately passionate about, whether I'm the one doing it or someone else is.
So here is my point, and I've said it before: adoption is offensive. It makes people aware of a need and they have to make a choice about how they will respond. It doesn't mean I should stop talking about it. I need to be OK with saying things that might offend someone if it will help them take steps toward something they are being called to do, whether it's adopting, foster care, respite care, donating, or praying. Fundraising will offend someone, but it's necessary and the best you can do is be gracious, grateful and make your need known. Fear and worry will stand in the way of you being used the way God wants to use you. I do not want to live in fear. I want to be used.
Fundraiser info!!
For example, fundraising can be a little touchy. This is NOT a skill I've mastered. I don't quite know how to avoid having people in your life feel like you are attempting to suck them dry when you are in the fundraising process, regardless of what I tell them. I'm an all-inclusive type person. I tend to invite the world to any fundraiser, event, etc. Not because I expect every single person in our life (and their friends, mom, dad, dog and neighbor) to support us financially, but because I like a good party. I'm social and I don't like people to feel left out. Yes, I am THAT person, I want to be invited even when the person knows I can't come. I have no idea why... It probably stems from insecurity or some equally negative or quirky (quirky sounds way better) quality about myself. But, knowing how I feel means I typically treat other people that way too.So, that is a risk I usually take. I invite and ask. This is my encouragement to anyone fundraising. Be OK with asking. At the same time, be OK hearing "no" or "not at this time" or whatever you have probably told the cashier at the grocery store at least once when they ask you if you want to donate to whatever charity they are raising money for at the time. It's truly OK! God uses different people at different times, in different ways. Sometimes a hole has to be left for someone to be willing to step in and fill it. The catch is that people receive these needs you put out there through the lenses of their own life situation. Make sure your friends know it's not their job to fill that gap every time. Be prepared to offend someone or at the very least make someone uncomfortable--not because you're trying to do it. It's just inevitable. Money is a touchy subject. People get uncomfortable when you discuss it.
Did you know cheerleading can offend people? They hear you cheering for someone who's adopting but what they notice is you aren't cheering for them. Or even worse, how about when people think you are cheering for yourself? I was a cheerleader. (I'm sure everyone is shocked!) I STILL am a cheerleader, but what I cheer for has just changed. To this day I jump up and down and clap, I know--it's kind of sad, but I own it. Way before we began the process of adopting I said many times to friends, "Since we aren't adopting yet and you are I'm gonna be your number one cheerleader and live vicariously through you!" And, I did. Now, we are finally where I've wanted to be for so long--in the process of adopting. But, I'm still gonna cheer. I'm gonna cheer people on to adopt, get excited for those who are getting started, finishing up, thinking about it, whatever. Here's my problem. While I'm cheering for all these things I start worrying, "Am I offending someone?" I worry if they think I'm just patting myself on the back for being super awesome. Or when I make a true statement like, "Adoption is the gospel lived out," do people assume I am saying I am more spiritual or godly than they are?
This happened to me Tuesday at a ladies bible study. But, let me clarify, it all happened IN MY HEAD, no one said a word. Before we break into our groups, either I or another leader usually share a quick devotion. It was World Adoption Day. I was pumped and ready, Sharpie in hand, smiley face on palm. I know this stuff. I can talk about it easy, even if I was blindfolded and upside down with twenty tiny children screaming all different things at me and crying, I was good. I had my Bible verse and was ready to talk. I got up there, read the verse and start talking. Then it happened... Worry set in. "Do these ladies think I'm just patting myself on the back because I am adopting? Do they think I think they should be doing something they aren't doing because I'm talking about adoption being God's plan to save us? Maybe I should just stop talking." Mid-prayer I paused, and it was not because I was reflecting on God's awesomeness. I was worrying about how those ladies (who love me, I might add) would just be thinking I was praying for myself and trying to make them feel guilty.
Emily, stop talking.
So, that's what I did. I awkwardly stopped and sent them to their groups after a fairly incoherent five minute blip that was supposed to be about adoption, but really I just said the word "adoption" a few times and threw some other words around it. I let fear keep me from saying truth and I let fear affect my communication about something I'm so desperately passionate about, whether I'm the one doing it or someone else is.
So here is my point, and I've said it before: adoption is offensive. It makes people aware of a need and they have to make a choice about how they will respond. It doesn't mean I should stop talking about it. I need to be OK with saying things that might offend someone if it will help them take steps toward something they are being called to do, whether it's adopting, foster care, respite care, donating, or praying. Fundraising will offend someone, but it's necessary and the best you can do is be gracious, grateful and make your need known. Fear and worry will stand in the way of you being used the way God wants to use you. I do not want to live in fear. I want to be used.Fundraiser info!!
- The Superhero Fitness Fundraiser was a huge hit! We had a great turnout and it was the most fun I've had at a fundraiser yet! My friend, Lindsey, did an amazing job taking us through an intense 90-minute workout. I might add, she did this while she is struggling with her own health-related issues. I have sweet friends. The Devil May Care Productions superheroes who came to hang out were AH-MAZING. No really, they stayed in character, took pictures, played with the kids, helped give out prizes and generously donated their time. One of the guys came specifically because he heard it was for an adoption and he was adopted! We raised $1,000! God is so good! Thank you to all who participated.
- Snowflake Village is opening in TWO DAYS! We are one of the charities they support. When you buy a tree, wreath or garland there, just let them know you want the proceeds to go to The Layne Family Bulgarian Adoption!
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