We've entered the world of Harry Potter. My dear Chlo is an avid reader. She can read 20 different chapter books, all about 150 pages long in one day. Well, that might be a slight exaggeration but still... She has knocked out several shorter chapter books in a day on many occasions. My dearest cousin loaned her the first Harry Potter book. The 309 pages and 17 chapters hardback book terrified her. This was no Junie B. Jones, Magic Kitten or Rainbow Magic Fairies paperback book she can read in one sitting. So, about three weeks ago she started. She got about four chapters in and decided she just wanted to watch the movie.NO! She started this and she was gonna finish!! So, I dangled that little carrot over her head as a reward for when she completed the book. Then she whined, she whined for a week like I was forcing her to eat all of her peas one pea at a time...with nothing to drink! Then she gave up reading the book with dramatic flair--it's how we roll. This past week she got bored, picked up the book and knocked out the last half of the book in one afternoon. The other night she received her reward and we watched the movie. She loved it. After the movie I had to hold Violet's hand while she brushed her teeth and Chloe wouldn't get off Kev's lap to go turn on the light but, it was worth it--I think. Just to be safe, we all agreed we will stick with the books for now and watch the movies when the girls get a little older. But, she persevered and conquered, just like Harry, and she didn't have the assistance of magic.
This whole process got me thinking about why I pushed her to finish the book. I realized it had more to do with parenting than just reading a fun book. As parents there are attributes Kev and I want our children to possess. It's our job to do what it takes to foster the development of those attributes. And because it's what I do...I made a list. Here it is:
Emily's list of importante attributes... (catchy title;)
Stick-to-it-ness. Yep, that's the fancy technical name. In laymen's terms, We want them to commit and persevere. We don't want half-hearted children that blow whichever way the wind takes them. We have enough of those people in the world. This quality will help them keep their commitment in marriage when they fight with their spouse and don't feel like trying to find a resolution. It will help them do what they know is right in high school and college when they get distracted by their friends and have to make wise decisions about what to do after a ball game or on Saturday night. It will help them remember their responsibility to make their bed tomorrow morning and other chores. Or it will help them finish reading a book that they started and WILL enjoy, even when it's long and intimidating. We gotta start small right?
Adventurous. I had to remind myself I want this as I watched Violet and Chloe run toward me fully clothed and fully waterlogged the other night. We had stopped by the beach for a short calm walk. I should've known better, there is nothing calm about my girls--just ask their babysitters. I didn't realize so much sand could work its way up under leggings until I got home and helped them take their clothes off for showers. We want them to think outside the box. We want them to try new things and take risks. I think they've got a head start on this one. It just needs some fine tuning.Courageous. This quality ties in with adventurous, but takes it a step further. we don't want our girls to live in fear. When they are fearful, we want to help them overcome it. Actually, Kev wants to help them overcome it. I just want to hug them, hold their hand for the rest of their life and stand with them while they flush the toilet. You moms out there know what I'm talking about. Why is that sound so scary? Thank goodness Kev balances me out. He challenges them to overcome their fears. How will they ever be bold for Christ if they can't simply go to the bathroom when it's dark? Don't be afraid to be who God created you to be. Be an individual, be creative, be who you are! Stand up for what you know is right. Be bold.
Compassion. This is a huge one, ya'll have heard me say it before. It goes hand in hand with honesty. If the delivery of your honest opinions or ideas stink, it doesn't really matter how true they are. No one will listen to you, they will just say you're rude. This is a very current lesson for the girls. The girls are learning how to be compassionate and draw healthy boundaries for themselves with friends...in a nice way. It is hard to get in someone else's shoes but it's a skill we all need to possess. Otherwise, we will sink into a world centered around ourselves. We won't recognize this simple fact--there are usually reasons other people aren't perfect, just like there are reasons we aren't perfect. Normally, flaws are a result of something painful or difficult. If we could see other people's pain, we may have a little more patience and understanding with their flaws. Since the pain is not usually advertised on most people's forehead, we just have to put on our big girl panties and exercise compassion. Its it easy? No. Is it fun? No. Who likes setting themselves aside for someone else that's difficult, annoying or mean? Perfect segway to our next quality.
Love others. Compassion flows from love. Love that is bigger than what we can offer of ourselves. Jesus' love. Jesus' love is given in spite of us not because of us. I want my kiddos to understand clearly, they did not earn God's love or Jesus' sacrifice. His love exists because of who HE is not who we are! Because we received free unconditional love, should we really make our love conditional and only extended to the people that are easy to love? Yet another very real lesson these girls are learning right now.
Is this adoption worth it?
The other day I got the usual question, "how's the adoption going?" To which I cooly responded, "Soooo slow, it's driving me crazy!!" Then I got ask this question, "Is it worth it?" This is not the first time I have been ask this question, maybe I should stop whining so much. My response to this question is always the same. Pursuing a child is ALWAYS worth it, it's just not easy.
The reason the answer is always "yes" is because of ALL the characteristics we want our kids to possess. This process is literally teaching and demonstrating these characteristics to the girls in a very practical way. We see pain and others in need and have compassion and a calling to do something about it. We want to extend God's love past ourselves to others who have done nothing to earn it. We want to freely give that love in a very real and tangible way. I'm not sure how courageous this process is at the moment (I'm gonna need that courage later when the kiddo or kiddos come home) but it definitely is an adventure. Stick-to-it-ness is a major prerequisite or we would have never made it through the paperwork part. Today is exactly two years since we were registered as a waiting family in Bulgaria. Our paperwork began the year before being registered. The desire to adopt began in 2004. All that to say, we've been sticking this out for a long time, long before our paperwork was started.
Thank goodness God uses all parts of His beautiful, yet sometimes difficult plan to mold and shape us into a greater likeness of Him. Thank goodness He can use the creativity of a writer and a fun character she creates to give children a role model that shows love, compassion, courage, honesty, adventurousness and stick-to-it-ness.
1 John 4:19 "We love because he first loved us" and I am so thankful.
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