There are two sides to every coin and every pro has a con.I got a pretty set of bracelets from my mother-in-law for Christmas that I love, a friend of mine made them. She has a shop called Jellyfish Tide, her stuff is gorgeous! They have faith, hope and love on them. I didn't think much about it until I was sitting with some of my sweet friends in Charlotte visiting and one commented on how appropriate they were for our adoption.
The funny thing is I originally only wanted two of the three, hope and love. Hope, because I saw that as the theme of our adoption and love because I love what I cannot yet see. My mother-in-law talked me into the faith one to complete the set and I reluctantly agreed, but I think the reluctance came from the struggle I am having with faith. Who knew I would need to look at those reminders and wear them. I'm so glad I have all three!
Love.
I read a friend's post on Facebook that talked about the fact that you can't have love without sacrifice. This makes complete sense to me. It happens on a regular basis with my girls, my husband, and my family. It's part of the deal, I don't question it and it doesn't surprise me. My cousin gave me a generous Christmas present to thank me for helping her this past fall and it totally surprised me. I love her, because I love her I help her. It's a part of the deal. There are no strings, no trade offs, she would do the same for me. I accept this idea when it comes to our adoption. There will be sacrifices we will make as a family and as individuals. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it because we love.
Hope.
Friday I realized it was the last work day of 2017, that meant it was the last day I might get a call about the adoption of this year. Friday came and went and so did the possibility of getting a referral in 2017. Friday was a hard day and I threw another great pity party. I really should be a party planner, I go all out! I was bitterly disappointed, weepy and looked at waiting children pictures all day which really just made it worse. I commented to a friend that I wasn't going to hold my breath for something to happen in 2018. But, who am I kidding, I always hold my breath. She sweetly reminded me "that's part of having hope". If you have everything, you don't need hope. Lacking something or someone and even disappointment in something not happening yet gives way to hope in what's to come.
Faith.
This has always been a strong area for me, until this adoption. When we were in support-based ministry, I had no questions God would provide. We would get into difficult ministry situations and not see a clear pathway out, but I knew God would direct us. I had no worries that God would provide the money for this adoption and He has thanks to many generous friends and people. But, for some reason, waiting for the actual child or children has challenged my faith in dramatic and new ways. I feel like it will never happen!
Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance in what we do not see."
I can't see anything and I'm failing in the area of faith. I don't have a name or a picture. Once again I need to continually remind myself of God's truths and trust in the timing of a Heavenly Father that loves me and our future child beyond what I can comprehend. Faith is trusting in the intangible, our child or children is certainly intangible at this point. I have to have faith they exist and faith that God's plans for them and our family are bigger than what I can or cannot see. Obviously, this doesn't mean it will be easy, but it's doable and I pray every step of this process brings more glory to God.
Even now I look at the order I have these concepts in and it's backwards. Love is the easy part, Hope isn't always easy but always comes, faith is the foundation of all of it. Faith is where I should be starting. In 2018 I plan to get myself in order, strengthening my foundation of faith, continuing to hope in what is to come and loving out of God's love rather than my own.
I'm ready for what 2018 has to bring!
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