Day 5

Calm in the storm

This is hard, we are worn, and to compound that, we are caught between two worlds.

The days and nights are full of sweet and difficult moments here in Bulgaria. Little things like watching Bozi move tiny pieces of egg that dropped off his plate back to his plate, so his area is clean and he can eat them. Or watching him clean his mouth with a napkin after he eats, then wipe the table. Learning he doesn't like dirty hands or that he doesn't like rice. Huge smiles when we bring out his food. Big giggles when he just looks at our faces. Learning these little tidbits. The experience of a screaming child, screaming in another language and not knowing if it's baby talk or actually trying to communicate something we just can't understand. Throwing himself backward and smacking his head on the floor in anger because I sat him down, then the screaming that follows. All in all, we can't complain. Adoption is not easy--this is not easy, but compared to some really difficult situations friends have experienced with their adoptions things aren't going too bad for us.

Then we check on Wilmington through Facebook and text our friends to check on them. We see a city

One of the roads in Wilmington.

that is covered in water. Families that have lost everything. Violet's BFF's home is completely flooded. One of the sweet families from my preschool class last year is looking for somewhere to live because their home is no longer livable. The ceilings have all caved in and rain has destroyed the inside. Another friend's youngest daughter's room is destroyed. Ceilings have caved in on multiple homes. People are going to stay with their friends because the water is continuing to rise and they have to get out now or be stuck. Main roads in our community are totally washed out. People are trying to get back to Wilmington after evacuating, but can't and have become stuck in a different town because of flooded and sinkholed roads and highways.

Then back to Bulgaria. The girls are being GREAT big sisters, but they are struggling with the adjustment. We talk with them about the changes, what they like and don't like. The girls and I are so close. We talk a lot, we share our feelings and stories. This week has been truly hard on them and they have been champs. I haven't been able to talk much with them at all beyond hugs, kisses and pep talks. Bozi is demanding time-wise and Mommy-wise, and that doesn't make the transition better or easier. Tonight, I got to spend a little time with the girls before bed and really talk for the first time since we picked up Bozi. They needed that time. I really needed that time. I hate to say it, but this part is going to get harder before it gets easier. We've talked about that too and continue to prepare them.

The girls are so nervous about our home and what it's like. They worry about their friends and their homes. At the same time, they are trying to wrap their heads around what being an orphan is and connecting that to Bozi. The importance of adoption. How God adopted us. The sacrifices that come with it and why it's worth it. The sacrifice Jesus made so we could be His adopted brothers and sisters. But, talking about adoption and its value is one thing, experiencing the process of it is another. I'm pretty sure Jesus would say the same.

Nothing is normal now. Our family is different and that's a big enough adjustment for one year. Now our city and community is different and we don't know what we are walking into when we go back home. I'm not sure when we can get back home. I go on Facebook or Instagram and look around and see everyday posts right next to posts of devastation. One post is someone's flooded house, the next is a school picture, the next photo is of a collapsed road and then a photo of some flowers. It's a very strange place, living life between two realities.

The world doesn't stop turning, even when time seems to freeze for you. In the midst of all of this there is one constant we can rely on... God.

God is bigger than a hurricane.
God is bigger than a damaged/destroyed home.
God is bigger than an orphanage.
God is bigger than possessions.
God is bigger than changes in your family that come with adoption.
God is bigger than life itself.
God knows our pain. He knows our loss. He knows our struggles.
God is in control.

I pray through ALL of this God is glorified. I pray He brings comfort and peace all of us broken people regardless of our situation. God is already using amazing people in Wilmington and from outside of Wilmington to minister to our city. People with power at their homes are volunteering a place to stay and showers to those without. People are willing to provide hot meals and a place to sleep for those who will come and serve.

God is uniting us in prayer. Continue to respond to His prompting and pray for those who are affected by this disaster.

God has sent people to encourage us in our mini storm on this side of the planet. People who have been on this adoptive path before and people who have not. People who He is using to lift us up when we are struggling to do that for ourselves.

In the midst of the literal ginormous storm and the mini storm in our lives here in Bulgaria, I praise our great and holy God. He is the Author of life and Creator of all things. Use this disaster and difficulties to direct more and more people to You!

P.S.
The TB went well. Bozi started wimpering the minute we got in the clinic. The doctor was super nice and great with Bozi. He checked his height and weight. Then a nurse came in to do the TB test. He started crying before she ever touched him with the needle! Reminded me of the girls when they were little. We will go back Wednesday to get the results and then to get his passport!