Six Months Post Adoption. What Does It Look Like for Us?

September 13, 2018 vs March 13, 2019

Then and NOW!

A lot has happened since we picked Bozi up on September 13 and brought him into our family. I remember seeing all the 2 and 3-year-olds milling around outside on that gorgeous day in a huddle, none of them really playing--just standing or sitting. We couldn't see Bozi. I thought he was inside getting ready for our arrival, but as we walked up the stairs to the white door I remember his delighted shrill squeal over all the noise. He saw us. He knew us. We all jerked our heads. I remember seeing him desperately flailing to get to us as quickly as possible, he couldn't walk so one of the workers was helping him. He was smiling from ear to ear, the workers were smiling. I felt like he knew we were there for him.

I look at him now. His face is a little rounder, his eyes are a little brighter and he has grown in every way. Every adoption is different and every child is different, but for us these are what six months home looks like:

Bozi sleeps in his own room. This started early for us out of necessity. The kid sucks his fingers. It's SOOO loud, it literally kept us from sleeping. So, this happened in the first month for us. Don't get me wrong, I'll take finger sucking over major sleep issues any day. It took about three months before I was leaving his room at nap or bedtime before he actually fell asleep. Then I slowly began leaving before he fell asleep. It took about a week or so before that went well. I feel we've been pretty fortunate in this area. Now after I leave I get to listen to him sing to himself for a little while before he falls asleep. It's the sweetest little sound.

Daddy love!

Bozi is still primarily a momma's boy, but he is all about his daddy too. This was the slowest part for us. Bozi really rejected Kev from the beginning. Kev was competition for my attention and his security. That process isn't easy. Even when you know in your head all the kid is dealing with, rejection is hard, and watching your husband deal with that is hard. The loss of time with your spouse because you have a new appendage is hard on everyone involved--even the new appendage, because he is scared as well.

Two big things happened the other day that showed how dramatic a change we've experienced in this area. Bozi ran to Kev and asked him for a hug or in his words a "ug!" This is the FIRST time he requested that of Kevin this entire time. Another time, Bozi was sitting in Kev's lap and I walked by, kissed Bozi on the head, continued walking and... Bozi stayed in Kev's lap. Insert jaw drop! This seems so small, but I spent a lot of time hiding myself from view for the past 6 months, just so Bozi would relax and just hang out with Kev. Normally, the second he saw me it was over--crying and begging for me to hold him began. It's exhausting for all of us. Today we all rode together to pick up our car from the repair place, and Kev got out to go drive the other car home. After about 5 minutes Bozi says, "Where's Lolly?" BTW, Lolly is what he used to call Kev. I'm pretty sure it started because Violet wore a retainer in the fall and couldn't quite get the word Daddy out without a lisp. Ha! So, now he gets called "daddy" "lolly" and "laddy." It's pretty entertaining annnd I'm hoping it will stick.

Rocking and rolling. Bozi still rocks (side-to-side) himself to sleep at night, but not nearly as much as he used to. He still sometimes rocks when he sings during the day, but it's to the beat and doesn't seem to be for the same self-stimulating or comforting reasons. Also, he used to find a corner or wall and sit up against it and suck his finger and rock. That hasn't happened in months. I think this was tied to the fact he would get bored and be unsure of what to do. He could not entertain himself well and he didn't know how to play, which leads to my next milestone.

Bozi plays independently sometimes! This JUST happened for the first time the other day. Woo hooo!!! This is huge for him AND me--entertaining him or keeping him busy all day is a lot of work. This little boy came to us without any idea how to play. He threw things like a 12-month-old baby might. He didn't know what to do with cars, even if we showed him, he just threw them or got bored and would go sit and rock by himself. If I happened to walk near him while he attempted to play he would just start crying and ask me to pick him up. We eventually got him to color a little but that bored him pretty quickly. The only thing he really seemed to play with for more than a few minutes was the kitchen set and he mainly opened and shut the door and moved things around. He didn't "play."

He lets me put him down. For the first time in months I don't have to hold him 24/7 to avoid screaming. He comes to me for a hug--I can pick him up hug him and set him down. I have free-ish arms! This is huge. The beginning of this was super hard on the girls as well. They went from having mommy to themselves to hardly having any time with me at all. They slowly understood, and now I can have one of the girls sit in my lap and Bozi isn't running up to push them out of my lap immediately.

Dino shoes!

Bozi is walking, running (a little) and can jump about a 1/2 inch off the ground with both feet. He wears his SureStep orthotics or "dino shoes" as we call them because the pattern he picked out had dinosaurs on it. These dino shoes support his ankles and help him to have proper alignment so he can better walk and improve his muscle tone. It's a pain to find shoes that fit over them and he doesn't have the same cool shoe game he had before, but they are worth it. For a kiddo with low tone who didn't begin walking independently until October this is amazing. 

The kid talks and talks and talks. Granted, it doesn't all make sense, but he didn't talk much at all for a while. He now has over 125 words and has used 3-5 word sentences. He definitely understands us and figures out ways to communicate what he wants even when he doesn't know the word. Today he saw and ambulance and didn't know the name, so he said, "Mommy, mommy, wee ooo wee ooo!" He's learning and getting there and in such a short time.

He can stay with people other than us and survive! I was so nervous about leaving him, but switching jobs and our upcoming move required us to do a little traveling for preparation. He traveled with us on one trip and my parents came and babysat at the hotel (they are THE best)! Most recently, we had to go find a new home for our family and that required us traveling for a few days without the kiddos. I was so so nervous about this and had no idea what to expect. Daddy and Momma came and watched them here at the house so the girls could go to school and Bozi could be at his therapy appointments. He did GREAT and had fun! We even Facetimed and he didn't freak out. It was such a relief.

FaceTiming with cuteness.

He goes to a class during the church service and does really well. We started that after about four months home. I really appreciate Port City Community Church's structured two-year-old classroom. They have free play, do a craft, teach a lesson and have snack. It put my mind at ease because I didn't want him to have lots of free play as most "nursery" type environments have, he's likely to throw something or hit someone. Also, I did not want him to be held all the time for continuing attachment reasons. Structure is so helpful. Before we were comfortable leaving him in a class I sat with him in the nursing mom's room or the cafe. The first time we visited Georgia, my friend Hannah, who he loved from the first time he met her, kept him with her so I could go to the worship service for the first time in months. I wouldn't leave him with just anyone at this point still but, it's comforting to know he can handle it.

We are in awe of what simply having a loving family can do to help a child progress. Beginning with the very young mother who gave him life and brought her child to the orphanage because she and her family couldn't care for him. Then the people who cared for Bozi for two-and-a-half years as best they could while caring for so many children. They fed him and clothed him. I could tell they loved him. Not all orphanages, caregivers or foster parents are that way. The two ladies at the orphanage. Tatiana, the psychologist, who worked with Bozi and Skyped with us weekly for months between trips. Donke, the sweet caregiver, who walked with us to the car and stood at the gate until we were completely out of sight. I watched. I saw her joy, but also her sadness. Now he has his very own mommy and daddy, not a caregiver he has to share. His own sisters who will always be there and not other little kiddos that he may never see again. Now he has his very own family to live with, love him and help him grow but, I am grateful for each person leading up to this point, because without them he would not be ours.

Bozi and his best girls!

It's not just all the therapy he receives, the research we did, or having all the answers of how to, when to or what to do. Those things are helpful, but cannot replace the stability, love and security that comes from having a family. He is growing and learning. He is loved. We are a family, we are his home. He knows it and we know it.

International adoptions are on a sharp decline. I pray you would consider how to support an adoptive family or welcome a child into your or someone else's home.

Coming soon...a list of Bozi's favorite things!