Creativity takes courage.

I love this quote by Henri Matisse. Specifically, I love art, not necessarily his art, although I love the Fauvism's movement's use of color. Personally, I am more of an Impressionism girl. Regardless, I love how art transports me. How it moves me. How it creates pictures out of my unspoken words. How it heals a broken spirit and completes an unfinished thought. That being said, I apologize ahead to real artists who may be offended by my slightly dramatic interpretation of a mass produced floor covering sold on Amazon and at Walmart.com, but that's just how it goes sometimes...

Sooo, we bought a new rug for our living room.

I saw it online a long time ago. I've had it pinned on my Pinterest board and I've read all the reviews. I looked for the best deal and when we moved it was one of the first things I begged Kev to purchase for our living room.

Let's get something straight first. I'm not a khaki kind of girl. I like mixing patterns, colors, vintage pieces and diy projects. Second, I'm not formal...at all, especially in relationships and decor. I listen to my feelings first, particularly how I feel when I walk into a room. I don't want to live in a model home, although I appreciate how nice they always look. Side note, I get so curious in some people's homes, where do they put their random stuff...mail, bills, coupons, that random water bottle that gets used day-to-day, random tiny bottles of lotion? Toys! Where the heck do they put the toys? I know it's all there, but where???

I'm so over beige/tan for a wall color. I truly appreciate grey for becoming the new neutral, just because it's different. I'm sure I'll grow to hate it as well, haha. For years I've been trying to make our living room look less bland and more me. We have some amazing couches that were given to us almost 20 years ago now, when our couches were broken by one of our students showing off his "strength" early on in our ministry career (it's a fun story, just ask me, he has not lived this event down). They are tan and the most comfy couches in the world, but for years I've been trying to add some color and never quite getting it right...until this amazing rug.

It's pretty awesome.
I've stared at this rug since the day we bought, it's been on our floor in our family room. I keep trying to express to Kev why I love it so much and it's not just because it's got a boho vibe. It captures me, like a work of art. But, like art, it's not always the actual details of the piece as it is the whole that moves you. Parts of it are clear, parts of it are distressed, some parts are almost blotted out, some of the colors are bold and others fade into the background, it has a pattern to it, but not one that is overtly consistent. There are what looks like arrows down the middle and it's like a path to follow. The entire rug is divided into sections, but some of the colors from one section sometimes bleeds into another section or more and this is when I had my "ah-ha" moment--Yep, this rug represents our life! At this point in the conversation, Kev said, "you're losing it."

That may be up for debate based on how long and hard I stared at this rug and thought about it, but I think I have a point.

Our story has been colorful. Full of adventure, some of it good, some not so good.

There are parts of our life I truly wouldn't mind blotting out. We've experienced pain, humiliation, suffering and betrayal. But, just like our memories and the parts we try to blot out or put behind us, there are specks of color that resisted the distressing. In our life and in this rug, those blots with tiny specks are part of the beauty when you see the whole.

There are dark parts that stand out, all different colors. There are sections which I see fairly literally as different seasons of our life. Amazing times where God did crazy things at specific times in our lives and the lives of those around us. Huge movements of God, He allowed us to be a part of! Some of those bold colors bleed from one section into another. These are our people. People that have spanned all or some seasons, friends, family, fake aunts and fake uncles to the girls and now, Bozi. People that have stuck by us through crazy experiences, supported us, loved us, trusted us and the path God had for us. So many, have maintained relationships with us over many years, locations and situations. You guys are beautiful treasures in our hearts.

Arrows go down the middle of the rug. Our family is centered around following God's direction, sometimes those arrows are clear and sometimes they aren't, but they have always moved us where he told us to go. We have pursued God wherever and whenever He has told us to takes a step. We have committed to following God and abandoning all tradition, plans or personal life goals. This has been the hardest part, pursuing God has made us look a little crazy, but years ago we gave our life to God. We gave creative control over to an amazing God that knew we don't do "khaki" lives. So, I guess if we have to look crazy, it might as well be for God.

There is an inconsistent pattern in this rug, those two words contradict themselves, but they best describe this rug and our life thus far. Similar experiences happen to us, in different places with different people, with different time frames. This has been exceptionally frustrating. The best part though is because this is a rug, it has a beginning and an end. I don't think this rug is our entire life, but I think it is a healing reflection of our past.

21 years and counting!
We have both spent time over the years being angry at God because of different seasons and the pain,

frustration and hurt that have come out of different experiences, people, and places. I still struggle with this. It's not easy to understand how or why God allows painful things, especially when the source of our pain at times has been other pastors or believers. But, we have grown more through those seasons than we ever could have any other way. We have experienced the freedom found in God's sovereignty in the good and in the bad. We have fought and wrestled with God when His plan didn't match ours or even make sense to us. We've tried to regain creative control just to realize our creativity is limited and sad compared to the Creator of the Universe.

In this rug, I see details that make the whole. Now, I see its beauty.

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