Adopt Again?

I was looking through my notes on my phone and I saw a note I wrote months ago in the middle of the night after watching a movie with the girls. It was written in February of this year, about five months into having Bozi home. Life was still pretty chaotic, so I forgot to post it on my blog.

If you have talked to me more than once or maybe even just once, you know we are a little bit passionate about adoption. Ok, so I underestimate, a LOT passionate about adoption. You also know Bozi most likely will not be our last adoption. We started thinking about a second adoption before we ever received our referral. Bringing Bozi home, only confirmed that idea. We don't know when or what that will look like, but we are available when God tells us to do it. 

Below is what I wrote in February of this year...

You pray for the light to come on in your kids' hearts and minds. Tonight it did.

We’ve had Bozi five months as of February 13th. Five months and my girls still didn’t fully get the gravity of the life of an orphan, those who live life in an institution or people with special needs. As far as the girls were concerned, the novelty of picking up Bozi from the orphanage overshadowed the concept that that is where these children exist--day in and day out with no one to call their own. Sunshine, excitement and pretty flowers growing outside of an institution camouflage the empty faces and sadness inside when you are only spending about an hour there.

We have taught the girls about poverty, adoption and other countries since they were tiny. We’ve been intentional. We’ve educated. We've looked for diversity. We have showed them photos of children, orphanage rooms, life in third world countries and shared the horror so many of these children experience. We’ve talked about physical and sexual abuse. We’ve discussed neglect. We’ve shown them what evil does. We took them with us to experience first-hand. We have showed them adoption. We tried to instill the passion we have to do something, not because we are awesome or super spiritual but because God desires available vessels.

Many people passively say “let kids be kids,” but let me say I have about 1,000 reasons that

is not in our kids best interest. But that’s another blog post. That’s not a privilege even our son has experienced prior to being in our family and it is a privilege, not a necessity. My biggest prayer when I had children was for my children to have compassion. Compassion for others at their school, compassion for friends and enemies, compassion for their neighbors and compassion for those across the world. Compassion for those different that them, with different beliefs, different ideas and different viewpoints. Not because I wanted them to pity other people or be judgmental, but because I wanted them to be able to get in other people’s shoes. They don't have to agree with others to try to see things from someone else's perspective, feel their pain and be able to be Jesus’ hands and feet daily. That’s our prayer on the way to school every day.

Tonight we watched Radio. Afterward, we spent some time before bed talking. The girls had a lot of questions. We talked about the history of mental illness, special needs, and even epilepsy. We discussed how something as simple as a child’s heritage and color of his/her skin is often labeled as a disability. We shared how different places in the world have responded. We shared how the conditions haven't changed in many places for people with disabilities. We explained it’s one reason we are so passionate about adoption. We talked again about living conditions, poverty, lack of education, and potential futures of orphans. Our poor kids...they hear and see more than they want to hear.

I will never forget Chloe’s face and her words from her comfy bed, “I’m spoiled.” I don’t know that I’ve ever said that phrase much to the girls and I hated to agree with her. “Yes...you are.”

It clicked.

We’ve been having these discussions on and off since Chloe was three. We know we want to adopt more children. The girls have been nervous about the idea. We are all a little scared how it might change things. We aren’t rushing and we want it to be a family decision. I have wondered if the girls hearts would ever come around to the idea. I have trusted God to guide all of us. Tonight, Chlo verbalized what I’ve been waiting to hear, “can we adopt them?” Just to let you know, there is not one specific child, we were talking in general, but what I realized God is slowly paving the way in our girls' hearts.

Here I am in July of the same year, looking back at what I wrote in February. I see how that desire has grown in Chloe's heart. I see listen to Violet asking when we will adopt more children. I see their excitement over our friends adopting from Colombia and bringing their children home within the next month or so. I watch Bozi and pray for his heart and mind when the time comes as well.

We have three major prayers in this situation. First, we need God's timing. We want his guidance on when act on the command he has giving us. Second, we need help identifying the children God has for us. After watching the waiting child lists while waiting for Bozi, we developed a great passion for waiting children and expect this next adoption to be waiting children. This mean the children are already on a waiting list to be adopted, they will probably be older (meaning approx 6 or older) and most likely part of a sibling group. Thirdly, our prayer is for God to prepare our current children in our home. Adopting is traumatic for all involved. Traumatic doesn't mean you don't do it, it means you do your best to prepare, expect it to be hard and you make yourself available. None of us will ever be truly "ready" for what comes next, but we want to have God's wisdom on how, who and when we take this step.

I look at my life and Bozi. I wonder if and when the newness of my excitement will wear off and I realize we are two months shy of having Bozi home for a year. Granted, I haven't started potty training yet, so maybe the newness wearing off is right around the corner. Ha! What I've realized is what I'm feeling is not "newness," it's a passion. A passion to extend God's love to more children, to give them a home, to bring more children into our home and support others in bringing their children home. Within the last two weeks I have had THREE conversations with friends who are in the beginning stages of adoption, some international, some domestic. I love those conversations. I pray God continues to move in people's hearts in support of adoptive families and the adoption community. It's not an easy road and no one can do it alone.