My skimboard epiphany.

I'm 40... There I said it. I've been trying to figure out why this has been so hard for me to grasp or accept. I stand by the cliche that you're only as old as you feel, but that hasn't helped me wrap my mind around my actual age. Maybe it's because the last 21 years of my life have been spent immersed in teenage life and culture... and music (who doesn't love a good boy band?)... and language. However, I think I figured out my problem (and some extra stuff) when I decided to buy a skimboard this week at the beach.

After giving up trying to talk myself out of it, I sprung the idea of buying a board on Kev. He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "That's fine, don't hurt yourself." So, two days before we left the beach, I ran across the street to a beach store to buy a skimboard. The manager laughed and said, "Take some video, it's funny to watch people learn... and bust it." After those sweet words of encouragement, I grabbed the fam and we headed to the beach. I had read some articles for beginners that I found online, watched some instructional videos the night before, then bought pink board wax and a flowery board. So, basically I was an expert. I reflected on that brief time I skateboarded in my teens. Surely, that skill was gonna come back, just like riding a bike. Finally, I snapchatted a pic of the board just so I wouldn't chicken out--I wanted social media accountability. I had all my bases covered.

"I'm so scared. I'm so scared. I'm so scared."

There I was on the beach, doing an exceptional job of running fast and dropping the board. I had that part down just like in the videos I had watched of the pros. Then the board would slide, and unlike the pros, I waited until it slowed down some, stepped on it and wondered why I didn't go anywhere. The whole time I was saying in my head, "Aahhhh! I'm so scared!" over and over. Why couldn't I just go for it?

Truthfully, I was terrified. I didn't want to fall, because it might hurt. I didn't want to look stupid, even though I'm pretty sure I already did. I wasn't doing myself any favors by telling myself how scared I was over and over... That was not a thought I had trouble remembering. Finally, I realized I just needed to accept I was scared, take a risk, expect to fall and ignore the imaginary people who were not really judging me the whole time.

In my mind, turning 40 came with a lot of new rules...

You can't act like that anymore.
Someone your age shouldn't wear that outfit.
Why are you jumping around during that song-- stop jumping!
Are you seriously still adding to your family and you still want to adopt more?
You are way too old to start trying to do this now!

Who made those rules? Boring people? Where's the creativity and adventure in those questions or statements? If we haven't heard people actually say these things to us we've probably said them to ourselves. WE are the boring people, actually let's correct that statement. We are scared people. This was all running through my head those few hours on the beach, and then I had an epiphany. We would rather live miserably in fear than take a risk. Ultimately, we allow our fear to be bigger than God.

So, I want to change the rules. Actually, let's make a new rule. This rule applies to all ages. Be the person God created you to be and stop living in fear of what other people think. Stop being afraid of being afraid and DO something. This form of self-protection only prevents us from seeing God work in big ways. I'm not just talking about picking up a new hobby either. I'm talking about reaching out of your comfort zone and allowing God to use you in God-sized ways.


My age doesn't define me any more than someone else's expectation of me. I've figured out some things about myself over the last few years. I love unicorns, rainbows and flowers and draw them in my journal and notes at church. I am the one that looks for any opportunity to dress up, even if it means wearing a Princess Leia outfit or poop emoji outfit or Christmas Elf outfit to the first adult worship service(risking lots of funny looks and head shaking) before I head over to the middle school gathering during our second service. I will find myself in the middle of our high schoolers, middle schoolers, little kids--whoever--singing, jumping and dancing in worship to our Holy God for as long as I am physically capable or until I get kicked out. I will always use way too many exclamation points to make myself understood and speak in extreme terms. My husband keeps this under control on my blogposts! It's OK, I know I have a problem.

I will most likely sit "crisscross applesauce" or with at least one leg up under me in my chair. I can be found with my hair in pigtails and wearing the clothes I like. I will read, then promptly discard as worthless info, those blogposts on what to wear and how to wear your hair during each decade of your life. I LOVE long hair! I will attempt to pick up a random sport that's always looked fun but I was always too cheap and too scared to try. These are silly and easy ways I put myself out there. I have an amazing husband who challenges me and helps me take the big steps of faith with him, like parenting, ministry and adoption.

My fear of the unknown will not stop me from doing what God has told me to do. I'd rather take a risk and be myself than live in fear and be who I think someone else wants me to be. I'd rather take a scary step of faith and watch God show up than sit back and never give him the chance. I guess that's my challenge to all of you, no matter your age. Be yourself. Take a risk, allow God to truly challenge you and show you His amazing glory and power. Step out into the unknown. I learned all this from a skimboard!

Literally scared stiff, but still awkwardly sliding...
cheering definitely followed!

Oh and yes, I totally fell several times off that dumb skimboard but I also slid an entire three feet several times which I celebrated by excitedly jumping up and down like my five and seven-year-olds would have if I told them we were going to Disney! I'm pretty sure the imaginary people watching me also judged me for that. But, I'm not giving up... I'll eventually get it!