This almost-brief adoption public service announcement is brought to you by Emily, the girl who has to hear something more than a million times to get it through her stubborn red head. I read our adoption agency's update Saturday. They talked about the usual government-related adoption slowdown in December and January. Right now, it feels like we are moving about as fast as Walmart's free wi-fi connection pulled up my Pinterest recipe the other day when I was in a hurry. It literally never opened... I had to use data (insert eye roll and deep breath, first world problems)!
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is the tree of life." Proverbs 13:12
This the second time in three days I've heard this verse; first in a blog and then again at church. Well, I actually listen at church but I rarely read blogs. Ironic since I write one, but when I started this I really never expected people to read it. I'm shocked and thankful that people actually do! I've read all of Proverbs multiple times, but can't remember ever reading this verse before. It's that stubborn red head problem again--things just don't sink in sometimes.
I haven't been able to really express my feelings well, but this verse does it for me. My heart feels sick.
I keep telling myself that I'm not putting life on hold and I'm not rushing time, but that's not true. I am. I'm staring at my phone--willing it to ring. I should put it down and fully focus on my girls. I speak in contingencies "if nothing out of the ordinary is happening, we can be there." Translation: "out of the ordinary" means "going to another country." I hesitate to plan some things because "we may be traveling" or "what if we have a third child by then."
I totally get why adoptive families struggle through this process and want to put their lives on hold. It feels unfair to do anything when your child isn't doing it with you. Your family feels incomplete, like it's missing a person... And it is. What I just need to remember is while he or she isn't connected with us physically, God is moving our kiddo toward us in His way. Already, God has given me two beautiful girls and a pretty cute husband as well. As most of you moms out there know, when your child is hurting you hurt too and life stops. I need to find a balance for my head and heart.
So here's what I am going to do.
I will enjoy this season with my family. I will listen to Christmas music 24/7, make cookies, fudge and orange balls (yummy goodness, those sound scary but are truly amazing). I'm going to wrap Christmas presents, do Christmasy crafts and watch Christmas movies with my girls and Kevy too many times. I will remember what Jesus did for me and remind my family. I will remember that Jesus loved not only me so much that He came to earth, He loved my Bulgarian kiddo so much that He came to earth. I will remember that I'm not my child's savior, HE is my child's Savior. So, in the meantime, I'm going to do my job and let God do His job. ;)
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is the tree of life." Proverbs 13:12
This the second time in three days I've heard this verse; first in a blog and then again at church. Well, I actually listen at church but I rarely read blogs. Ironic since I write one, but when I started this I really never expected people to read it. I'm shocked and thankful that people actually do! I've read all of Proverbs multiple times, but can't remember ever reading this verse before. It's that stubborn red head problem again--things just don't sink in sometimes.
I haven't been able to really express my feelings well, but this verse does it for me. My heart feels sick.
I keep telling myself that I'm not putting life on hold and I'm not rushing time, but that's not true. I am. I'm staring at my phone--willing it to ring. I should put it down and fully focus on my girls. I speak in contingencies "if nothing out of the ordinary is happening, we can be there." Translation: "out of the ordinary" means "going to another country." I hesitate to plan some things because "we may be traveling" or "what if we have a third child by then."
I totally get why adoptive families struggle through this process and want to put their lives on hold. It feels unfair to do anything when your child isn't doing it with you. Your family feels incomplete, like it's missing a person... And it is. What I just need to remember is while he or she isn't connected with us physically, God is moving our kiddo toward us in His way. Already, God has given me two beautiful girls and a pretty cute husband as well. As most of you moms out there know, when your child is hurting you hurt too and life stops. I need to find a balance for my head and heart.
So here's what I am going to do.
I will enjoy this season with my family. I will listen to Christmas music 24/7, make cookies, fudge and orange balls (yummy goodness, those sound scary but are truly amazing). I'm going to wrap Christmas presents, do Christmasy crafts and watch Christmas movies with my girls and Kevy too many times. I will remember what Jesus did for me and remind my family. I will remember that Jesus loved not only me so much that He came to earth, He loved my Bulgarian kiddo so much that He came to earth. I will remember that I'm not my child's savior, HE is my child's Savior. So, in the meantime, I'm going to do my job and let God do His job. ;)
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| For you 1990s kids out there! ;) |
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