Today I looked at Facebook and saw a "memory" from about 5 years ago of my husband and two girls. Those sweet precious faces. They could do no wrong. Everything they said was hilarious and sweet. They always smelled like lavender lotion. They had cute hair styles and wore the most adorable clothes I could find on sale.
Now, I'm lucky if they let me do their hair. They want to fix it themselves or fix each other's hair. I like to do hair people... It's one reason I was pumped about having girls.
Fortunately, they are still hilarious. Chloe just told me she did something "thrice" times, yes, she actually said "thrice." Violet refers to the boy she thinks is cute as, his name followed by a tagline. Usually, the tagline is "the love of her life" other times it's "my love."
They have opinions now--lame. They want to pick out their own outfits... What happened to my own personal baby dolls?
If I'm honest, I want them to have opinions and minds of their own. While it gets in the way of some of my "mommying" fun, who wants their kids to be mindless unimaginative followers? Not me! My oldest isn't just bossy--she's a leader. My youngest isn't crazy and emotional, she's super creative and caring.
The other day I looked at them outside playing on their Kindles with their friend. I took a picture because it was cute and the light was on their faces. I posted it on Instagram stories, then I immediately started worrying. Are people going to think they are those kids that never get outside? Have they had too much screen time today? I think it's been about 30 minutes. What do other moms do? Shouldn't they be frolicking in the evening light rather than have their nose stuck in a screen? They should have a light on, isn't that bad for their eyes? What kind of person am I shaping them to be? What am I teaching them? Have I already failed as a mom?
Following my mini-crisis, I came back inside to fix their supper and continued thinking. My head was running 90 miles a minute. Was supper healthy enough? Why is everything kids like to eat beige? I should force feed them Brussels sprouts, add Brussels sprouts to the grocery list.
Once I got it together, what I realized is I don't want them to have the same pitfalls I have had. Not the silly stuff, but the big stuff... What AM I teaching them?
I don't want to teach them...
Legalism. This was a big one for me growing up in many areas. I was constrained in worship, not because anyone said it was wrong to raise a hand, but because no one around me did much more than stand and hold the hymnal. So, that's what I did and I resisted any urge to do differently because I didn't want to be looked at. I created a guideline for myself that was safe. I was quick to judge others, albeit with the best of intentions. Mainly, some differences scared me and I didn't know what to do with them. I struggled with certain ideas and different mindsets. If you didn't think like me, I had lots of questions. Some people were patient, most got defensive. Fortunately, God has grown and taught me a lot. My husband likes to say, "Know your role." It's from some movie, of course. So, I choose to let God be God, that's not my job. My job is to love others where they are and always direct them to a relationship with Him. Legalism is driven by fear. Fear of what others think, fear of what is not understood and fear of not measuring up so you create rules to secure yourself a safe position above others.
Let's remember, Jesus ultimately gave us two rules. Love God and love others. If we could get this right, we wouldn't have so many issues.
Critical Spirit. I still see this in myself sometimes and I literally hate it. Fortunately, I'm not so critical of others anymore. Unfortunately, I am super critical of myself. If someone makes an innocent comment, I completely direct it toward myself. I see all my flaws, even in this list. It's based on my flaws, past and present. I'm even starting with the negative, rather than the positives... Sigh. I'm a work in progress.
Control Issues. This is most currently exhibited in my desire to take this adoption out of God's hands and place it in my own. I won't beat this dead horse, please see every post prior to this one for 1,000 examples of this struggle. I'm pretty sure it comes up in almost every one. Here's a recent one.
Finding my value in other things and other people. Cue the pity party! Feeling completely alone in a room full of people. Body image issues. Needing to have a job or a ministry to feel useful. Worries that I'm stinking as a mom. I need to remain continuously centered on Christ and allow Him to meet my needs. Nothing will fulfill me the way He will. I don't need to look anywhere else.
OK, now to the good stuff.
What I WILL pass on!
Balance. I want my girlies and future kiddos to enjoy yummy treats, but understand the importance of eating healthy foods and taking care of their bodies. It's OK for them to be disappointed over not getting what they want, but a meltdown is not allowed. You win some, you lose some. I want them to understand playing a few games on their computer or watching TV is totally fine as long as they are running around outside and riding their bikes as well. They are going to succeed in huge ways, but they are also going to fail miserably. I want them to enjoy being with their friends, but desire to spend time with their family. I want to teach my children to learn how to draw emotional boundaries for themselves and maintain a healthy balance when it comes to most everything.
Compassion. This is so important to me. I want them to love others where they are. To not see themselves as better or worse than others. I want them to reach out to people who are hurting and in pain. I want them to be willing to walk through difficult things with their friends. I want them to show others they are valued and loved. I don't want them to only see middle class, white America. I simply want them to extend Jesus' love to everyone around them. I see this in them already and continue to foster their compassionate hearts.
Deep growing love for our Savior, Jesus Christ. This is the foundation everything above is based on. If we are truly following Jesus' commands to love God and love others, we will be living it out. It's hard to love others when you don't have the only source of true and complete Love. It's hard to find balance when you don't understand the only thing you can't have enough of is Jesus. It's difficult to understand our true worth when we allow everything else to define us instead of Christ. My girls have a relationship with Jesus already, but it doesn't stop there. I want them to continue to grow closer and closer to their Savior and Creator. He brings joy and contentment that nothing in this world can offer.
Now, I'm lucky if they let me do their hair. They want to fix it themselves or fix each other's hair. I like to do hair people... It's one reason I was pumped about having girls.
Fortunately, they are still hilarious. Chloe just told me she did something "thrice" times, yes, she actually said "thrice." Violet refers to the boy she thinks is cute as, his name followed by a tagline. Usually, the tagline is "the love of her life" other times it's "my love."
They have opinions now--lame. They want to pick out their own outfits... What happened to my own personal baby dolls?
If I'm honest, I want them to have opinions and minds of their own. While it gets in the way of some of my "mommying" fun, who wants their kids to be mindless unimaginative followers? Not me! My oldest isn't just bossy--she's a leader. My youngest isn't crazy and emotional, she's super creative and caring.
The other day I looked at them outside playing on their Kindles with their friend. I took a picture because it was cute and the light was on their faces. I posted it on Instagram stories, then I immediately started worrying. Are people going to think they are those kids that never get outside? Have they had too much screen time today? I think it's been about 30 minutes. What do other moms do? Shouldn't they be frolicking in the evening light rather than have their nose stuck in a screen? They should have a light on, isn't that bad for their eyes? What kind of person am I shaping them to be? What am I teaching them? Have I already failed as a mom?Following my mini-crisis, I came back inside to fix their supper and continued thinking. My head was running 90 miles a minute. Was supper healthy enough? Why is everything kids like to eat beige? I should force feed them Brussels sprouts, add Brussels sprouts to the grocery list.
Once I got it together, what I realized is I don't want them to have the same pitfalls I have had. Not the silly stuff, but the big stuff... What AM I teaching them?
I don't want to teach them...
Legalism. This was a big one for me growing up in many areas. I was constrained in worship, not because anyone said it was wrong to raise a hand, but because no one around me did much more than stand and hold the hymnal. So, that's what I did and I resisted any urge to do differently because I didn't want to be looked at. I created a guideline for myself that was safe. I was quick to judge others, albeit with the best of intentions. Mainly, some differences scared me and I didn't know what to do with them. I struggled with certain ideas and different mindsets. If you didn't think like me, I had lots of questions. Some people were patient, most got defensive. Fortunately, God has grown and taught me a lot. My husband likes to say, "Know your role." It's from some movie, of course. So, I choose to let God be God, that's not my job. My job is to love others where they are and always direct them to a relationship with Him. Legalism is driven by fear. Fear of what others think, fear of what is not understood and fear of not measuring up so you create rules to secure yourself a safe position above others.
Let's remember, Jesus ultimately gave us two rules. Love God and love others. If we could get this right, we wouldn't have so many issues.
Critical Spirit. I still see this in myself sometimes and I literally hate it. Fortunately, I'm not so critical of others anymore. Unfortunately, I am super critical of myself. If someone makes an innocent comment, I completely direct it toward myself. I see all my flaws, even in this list. It's based on my flaws, past and present. I'm even starting with the negative, rather than the positives... Sigh. I'm a work in progress.
Control Issues. This is most currently exhibited in my desire to take this adoption out of God's hands and place it in my own. I won't beat this dead horse, please see every post prior to this one for 1,000 examples of this struggle. I'm pretty sure it comes up in almost every one. Here's a recent one.
Finding my value in other things and other people. Cue the pity party! Feeling completely alone in a room full of people. Body image issues. Needing to have a job or a ministry to feel useful. Worries that I'm stinking as a mom. I need to remain continuously centered on Christ and allow Him to meet my needs. Nothing will fulfill me the way He will. I don't need to look anywhere else.
OK, now to the good stuff.
What I WILL pass on!
Balance. I want my girlies and future kiddos to enjoy yummy treats, but understand the importance of eating healthy foods and taking care of their bodies. It's OK for them to be disappointed over not getting what they want, but a meltdown is not allowed. You win some, you lose some. I want them to understand playing a few games on their computer or watching TV is totally fine as long as they are running around outside and riding their bikes as well. They are going to succeed in huge ways, but they are also going to fail miserably. I want them to enjoy being with their friends, but desire to spend time with their family. I want to teach my children to learn how to draw emotional boundaries for themselves and maintain a healthy balance when it comes to most everything.Compassion. This is so important to me. I want them to love others where they are. To not see themselves as better or worse than others. I want them to reach out to people who are hurting and in pain. I want them to be willing to walk through difficult things with their friends. I want them to show others they are valued and loved. I don't want them to only see middle class, white America. I simply want them to extend Jesus' love to everyone around them. I see this in them already and continue to foster their compassionate hearts.
Deep growing love for our Savior, Jesus Christ. This is the foundation everything above is based on. If we are truly following Jesus' commands to love God and love others, we will be living it out. It's hard to love others when you don't have the only source of true and complete Love. It's hard to find balance when you don't understand the only thing you can't have enough of is Jesus. It's difficult to understand our true worth when we allow everything else to define us instead of Christ. My girls have a relationship with Jesus already, but it doesn't stop there. I want them to continue to grow closer and closer to their Savior and Creator. He brings joy and contentment that nothing in this world can offer.
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