I'm pretty sure there are two types of waiting parents out there when it comes to adoption. There is me and then there is my husband.
We handle the wait completely different.
I spoke with another friend adopting the other day and she is similar to my husband and knowing her husband, I bet he is similar to me when it comes to the wait.
Kevy style is "It will happen when it happens." Now, let me point out, the man can NOT stand in a line for more than ten minutes to wait for food, amusement park rides or Santa Claus, but in this situation he is totally at peace. It's annoying.
Emily style is "Why hasn't it already happened? Maybe it will happen tomorrow. Maybe I missed a call. Did I check my phone for missed calls in the last five minutes? I wonder if they called Kevin. Where's my phone? Are you serious? It's Christmas already?" I can stand in a line all day, yet in this situation I can't keep myself from wanting to fly to Bulgaria and put my paperwork in front of their faces.
The other day we were talking about the wait and Kev isn't stressed at all. He's excited about when the time comes, trying to take advantage of the time we have as a family of four, he trusts God has it under control and he's calm.
Well, I'm glad one of us is calm.
I on the other hand am stressed out about why it hasn't happened yet. I'm not even just expectantly waiting with thankfulness, patience and joy like I was in my last post. Y'all, that was a WHOLE month ago...let's just say my emotions ebb and flow when it comes to this process, and leave it at that. I'm so not calm, but I am learning from him and appreciating this time with my girlies, especially during this Christmas season.
I was trying to pinpoint the reason for our different responses and it has to do somewhat with patience, but I'm pretty sure it has everything to do with lack of control and lack of trust that God way is the best way. I keep thinking I'm improving in these areas and maybe I am...for a month, but these weaknesses continually rear their ugly head over and over.
A few things I know are true, even when I struggle with these facts...
God is in control.
Psalm 95:4 "He holds in His hands the depths of the earth and the mightiest mountains."
If God is big enough to create the universe and hold it in His hand, yet, personal enough to create an amazingly complicated thing like our body and my children's individual personalities (Lord, help me), He is capable to handle our adoption and care for our future children.
Nothing I can do will change my circumstances.
Philippians 4:6-7 "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for what He has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."
I needed this verse today. I need peace. I'm great at telling God what I need, but in the area of our adoption there have been few times I thank God for what He has done. We have been so fortunate with few paperwork issues, no documents have been lost in the mail, we have learned so much about ourselves and God through this process. Of course, all I see is what I don't have and what has not happened yet. It's hard for God to extend His peace to us if we are unwilling to let go of our viewpoints to see things from His angle. We miss all He has done.
We will find our adoptive kiddos.
Of course, it's not like there's a Bible verse about this, but all I can do is cling to the fact God has called us to this journey. They are out there. It's just a matter of time.
For this Christmas season, I am reminded of God's faithfulness to us. His promise of a Savior and the humble birth of that promised Savior, Jesus Christ. It wasn't flashy and dramatic, but it didn't need to be.
God keeps His promises.
Jesus is enough.
My trust is in Him.
That's where I am at. It's pretty basic, but I'm a basic kind of girl.
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